Exploring the Decision to Move to a Retirement Community: The Family’s Perspective

by Nicole DeWoolfson Muller

Ms. Muller is a consultant with Brecht Associates, Inc. a consulting firm in Philadelphia providing market feasibility and planning services to the senior housing industry.

What would you do if your parents told you they were selling the family home and moving to a retirement community? For many families, it is a decision that brings with it a range of emotions. We talked with a number of adult children who shared their feelings about their parents’ decision to move to a retirement community and how they feel about it now that their parents have settled in.

For Sally Lyall, her mother’s decision to move to Moravian Manor in Lititz seemed premature. “Even though she was close to 80, Mom still played 18 holes of golf, enjoyed gardening and entertaining and had more energy than me,” she explained. “I didn’t know if it was the right time because I always thought a community like that was for older people who were less active.” But, Sally always trusted her mother’s judgement and supported her decision.

Even though she was very active and still had plenty of energy, Isabelle Weidman knew the time had come to consider moving to a retirement community. After 40 years in her home and the passing of her husband a few years ago, Isabelle felt that that the upkeep of the house and the yard was becoming more difficult. When she told Sally and her other two children about her plans, they questioned her decision and felt that she still loved to travel and was too young to move to a retirement community. “They each welcomed me into their homes but I didn’t want to be a burden on them and I like my independence,” she explained. “Sally lives nearby but my other daughter lives in Texas and my son lives in New Zealand and I think they were concerned about me being alone,” Isabelle explained. “Once the kids saw Moravian Manor, they loved it and I think they are relieved.”

Even though she was skeptical at first, Sally now feels that her mother made an “absolutely fantastic decision”. “Now, she has time to devote her energy to the things she enjoys instead of the house,” she said. Isabelle is thrilled with her decision too and has found the time to take up billiards and enjoy her favorite things including painting and walking around downtown Lititz. “I love it,” Isabelle said.

Sally also feels a sense of comfort about the future. “If my mother has problems later, they will know her by name and they will know our family. It will be much easier to call and discuss things with the staff and a repore will already be established. She is comfortable and happy there.”

The story of Sally and her mother Isabelle represent so many families that have gone through this same decision. While each tale is unique, the underlying emotions and reasons for moving are similar. The move to a retirement community is a major decision and an adjustment for everyone involved.

Many seniors, particularly those who are planners, opt for a particular type of retirement community known as a CCRC or continuing care retirement community. CCRCs like Moravian Manor, Dunwoody Village, Foulkeways at Gwynedd and Cathedral Village offer independent living, assisted living and nursing care all on-site and allow a resident to receive the care they need as they age.

CCRCs offer maintenance-free living along with services like meals and housekeeping to help create a worry-free retirement lifestyle. There are many advantages to living in a CCRC explains Dr. Theresa Chacko whose aunt lives at Cathedral Village. “I know that she is safe and secure and a lot of the responsibilities are taken away.”

CCRCs also offer state-of-the-art amenities like fitness centers, swimming pools, art studios and performance halls for the enjoyment of residents. This type of community appeals to planners because they know that they can enjoy all the amenities of the community and freedom from burdensome chores while they are healthy and active. They also want to remain independent and make decisions about their future care to ensure that their needs will be met. For many, they begin to consider this option when home and yard maintenance become too burdensome and staying at home becomes isolating.

Mae Murdoch, a resident of Newtown Square, is preparing to move to Dunwoody Village later this summer. Several years ago Mae began to realize that the family home and property were becoming more difficult and expensive to maintain and that it was hard to find help for things like snow removal and tree trimming. Being a long-term planner her entire life, she also realized that the cost of a nursing home someday could rapidly deplete her assets. “I didn’t want to wait for a crisis to make this kind of decision,” she said. So, she looked at four retirement communities in the area and considered downsizing into a one-story condo before ultimately selecting Dunwoody Village and getting on their waiting list. Often, CCRCs have long waiting lists and it is important to plan ahead and do your research before selecting a community. Mae is in the midst of one of the biggest and most difficult transitions of the decision – downsizing, selling the house and the move. “It’s hard and it will be an adjustment, but it is the right thing to do,” she explained.

George White, III remembers when his parents told him about their plans to move from their family home of 41 years. “It was an emotional time for us,” he recalls. “The home was central to our family, we would gather there for holidays and there were many memories.” Now, George can’t imagine what it would be like if his parents had not moved to Cathedral Village. After six years of living at Cathedral Village, George’s father is now faced with some health issues but he is able to get the care that he needs. George and his brothers have peace of mind knowing that their parents are together and can get the care they need. “Their foresight was the greatest blessing. It was a gift to their three sons and our families,” he shared.

Many of the adult children we talked with emphasized that it was the parent’s decision to move not theirs. Their parents are actively planning their own retirement by making their own decisions about how their needs will be met in the future. They are ensuring that their families won’t be faced with making difficult decisions down the road.

“Many of my friends are going through this with their parents and some are choosing to move to a retirement community, but the majority are postponing it and then they are faced with long waiting lists or some kind of health crisis develops,” explains Judi Ostberg whose mother recently moved to Foulkeways at Gwynedd. “It’s important to talk with your parents and discuss their preferences before there is a crisis. Plan ahead and don’t brush it under the rug.”

“At first I had mixed feelings,” explained Bernard Cullen whose parents moved to Cathedral Village in 1996. “They were healthy and active and I didn’t think it was urgent. Most people don’t realize that when it is urgent it is too late to make this type of choice.” But, Bernard recognized that his parents’ home in Cheltenham was becoming a burden to care for and they were dependent on others to help with things like snow removal and the lawn.

“I can’t thank them enough for making this decision. They planned it through and through and now I can’t imagine the difference in my life and their lives if they had stayed at home,” he said. “Looking back, there is a huge sense of comfort and feeling of being unburdened. It’s been a blessing for my parents and for me.”

In some families, moving to a continuing care retirement community is tradition. Polly Barr is about to celebrate her 100th birthday at Dunwoody Village, her home for the past 11 years. Her experience at Dunwoody Village helped her son Robert and his wife Eleanor see the benefits of living in a CCRC first hand and they began to consider their options early on. Bob and Noni, as they are fondly called by friends, recently moved to a new townhome at Foulkeways at Gwynedd.

“My parents have done an exceptional job of planning their own retirement,” noted their
son Rick. “They have been planners their whole lives and now they have made their own decisions on their own time table and they seem very happy.”

Rick feels that his grandmother and now his parents are free from the “little chores” and can spend their time enjoying travel and friendships and the fun things life has to offer. “Forming relationships with the staff and knowing that the care is in place if they need it in the future is very comforting,” he said.

Judi Ostberg’s grandparents lived at Crosslands in Kennett Square so her mother was quite familiar with the concept of CCRCs and appreciated the care that was given to them there. According to Judi, her mother did not want to be a burden on her four children. “Mom made her own decision, and now we won’t have to be faced with a crisis situation someday.” Judi’s mother Gerrie Tisdall started thinking about a move to a retirement community about six years ago and when Foulkeways at Gwynedd announced their plans to build new townhomes she couldn’t resist. A Chestnut Hill resident for 20 years, Gerrie wanted to stay close to the area and enjoy her friends and all of her activities. “Mom loved her house and her gardens and it was difficult to sell the house and go through things to downsize,” explained Judi who says that in the end, the move went smoothly.

Some of the children we talked with felt that there is still a stigma attached to retirement communities and that they are considered old folks homes or nursing homes. “Don’t worry about the stigma. Look at the kind of lifestyle a retirement community enables them to live, its very different from a nursing home,” explained Rick Barr.

There are so many retirement communities to choose from in the Philadelphia area and each community is unique and has its own personality. If you or your parent is considering this as an option, it is important to plan ahead and make the right choice to suit your individual needs and preferences. Bernard Cullen shares his advice - “Select the community wisely. You need to choose one that is the right fit. Give it a good hard look.” Sally Lyall shares his view - “It is important to know yourself and your personality when you select a community. Do you want to dress up in your pearls and sapphires and go to dinner surrounded by luxury or do you want a more common touch, a smaller community where you know people and are not anonymous?”

SIDEBAR

The following descriptions briefly and generally define CCRCs and its components: independent living, assisted living and nursing care.

Continuing Care Retirement Communities (CCRC): CCRC’s (also known as lifecare communities) provide a full range of services and care on one campus. Independent living apartments and cottages are offered to healthy and active retirees who want the security of knowing that their future health care needs will be met. In order to provide a continuum of care, CCRCs typically have assisted living and nursing accommodations on site. CCRC’s also provide the benefits of 24-hour security, emergency response, maintenance-free living and many social activities and amenities within the community. There are a variety of different types of CCRCs including those with upfront entrance fees as well as those considered rental communities with no entrance fee. The amount of future health care included can also vary significantly. Some CCRC’s include unlimited health care while others provide a limited amount of health care. Rental CCRCs have on site health care but require payment for services as needed.

Independent Living: Independent living can be found within a CCRC or can stand alone as an independent living community (with no other levels of care). Independent living communities may also exist with assisted living or a skilled nursing center. For seniors who are capable of living independently without the need for assistance, these communities provide socialization, security and maintenance free living. Most independent living communities offer private apartments or cottages ranging in size from studios to two and three-bedrooms. Residents have access to the community’s common areas and amenities, which like CCRC’s described above can be very luxurious. In addition, independent living communities typically provide 24-hour security with emergency response, numerous social activities, and home and lawn maintenance. Services such as meals, housekeeping and transportation are often available as needed.

Assisted Living: Assisted living is a component of a CCRC but can also be found as a freestanding community. Some assisted living communities coexist with independent living or skilled nursing. Also known as personal care in Pennsylvania, assisted living provides supportive services for older adults who need personal assistance but do not need nursing care on a daily basis. Services typically include three meals daily, housekeeping, transportation, medication reminders and assistance with activities of daily living such as bathing and dressing. For those with Alzheimer’s Disease and related dementia, many assisted living communities provide a specific wing designed to care for these individuals and some communities are exclusively designated for dementia care. Monthly fees and the amount of service provided can vary drastically from community to community.

Nursing Care: Seniors who require nursing care on a daily basis but do not need hospitalization are appropriate for a nursing home. The length of stay depends on the individual situation. In some cases, a senior may require a short term stay for rehabilitation and then may choose to return home or move into an independent or assisted living community. Both private and shared rooms are available.